There are so many different causes of sleep difficulties. They may arise as a result of stress; or from issues related to our nighttime environment such as noise (e.g. snoring, traffic). Our sleep may be influenced by hormonal changes due to peri/menopause or other issues related to illness or ageing. Our sleep routine may have been knocked out due to work, parenting or caring responsibilities. It may be that our neurodivergence compromises our ability to find rest when we want to. And it may be that we have psychological ‘unfinished business’ that stays out of mind during the busy-ness of the day, but which we begin to ruminate on when we lie down and turn off the lights.
Some of us have difficulty getting to sleep; others have difficulty staying asleep; and some ‘lucky’ people have both!
Given the many ‘flavours’ of sleeplessness, and the many different factors at play, there can be no one-size-fits-all panacea. In this busy world, getting into habits that support us to have a decent night’s sleep can be so difficult – especially when parts of us hold the narrative ‘I am a bad sleeper’ or if sleeplessness has become a core part of our identity (‘I am an insomniac’).
“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” (E. Joseph Cossman)
Living with insomnia can feel like an unending battle, leaving you drained and frustrated. I know how isolating it can feel. Here are seven things I have found that increase my chances of getting a restful night’s sleep. I hope they may offer you some solace and support.
1. Create a Regular, Calming Bedtime Routine
For us humans, rituals can hold a great power. Creating a calming ritual before bed can signal to our body and mind that we are preparing for rest, and that it is time to wind down. A consistent routine is essential for establishing healthy sleep habits.
This may include:
- Have a regular sleep schedule. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day of the week.
- Stop work at least 2 hours before bed.
- Read a novel.
- Lower the lights.
- Limit eye contact or conversation. We can let the people around us know that we are winding down.
- Drink a mug of herbal tea (not too late or you’ll need to pee in the night!)
- Journalling. This can be as simple as a couple of sentences or listing three things we are grateful for. Journalling before bed means we process the day before trying to go to sleep.
- Tune in to white, green, pink, or brown noise. Whether we have a dedicated noise machine or play it on our phone, this can help us to tune out other noise – both literal and metaphorical.
- Turn on a fan. Aside from the welcome cooling in Summer, the white noise can help settle our minds.
- Have a warm bath. The warmth can calm body and mind.
- Meditation and mindfulness. Mindfulness practices have been very supportive for me, and I am aware that they may not feel accessible for everyone – especially when our nervous systems are chronically on high alert. Visualising serene landscapes or peaceful scenes can be helpful for calming racing thoughts – but if they don’t work for you, that is okay.
- Gentle movement e.g. yoga or stretching. There are many suggestions online, including these from Yoga with Adriene.
- Yoga nidra. ‘Yogic sleep’ can provide a bridge between waking and sleeping. There are many recordings available for free online. I have found this 35-minute recording from the Yoga Nidra Network to be very effective.
Establishing these habits consistently can make all the difference. It might take some trial and error to find what works best for you, but once you do, your body will start recognising these cues as signals that it’s time to sleep.
2. Digital Detox Before Bed
Limiting screen time before bed is one of the hardest yet most beneficial changes we can make. The blue light emitted by phones and laptops can interfere with our natural sleep cycles.
- Impact of blue light: Blue light suppresses melatonin, the hormone responsible for regulating sleep. It is best to avoid screens for 60 minutes before bedtime, at the very least.
- Setting boundaries: Keeping our phones, tablets and laptops on silent and away from our bed help us to resist the temptation to check emails or social media one last time before sleeping.
3. Optimise Your Sleep Environment
It helps to think of our bedroom as a sanctuary: a place dedicated solely to rest and relaxation. Creating an optimal sleep environment can significantly improve the quality of our sleep.
- Lighting: Use soft lighting in the evening to create a calming atmosphere.
- Temperature: Keep your room cool. Between 15-19°C (60-67°F) is ideal.
- Noise control: If you’re sensitive to sounds at night, consider white noise machines or earplugs.
- Clear work away: In this era of working from home, many of us work in our bedrooms. If this is you, try to have a ‘clear desk policy’ so your laptop, to-do lists and other work paraphernalia are out of sight out of working hours.
By making these adjustments, we can turn your bedroom into a haven where we feel calm and ready for rest as soon as we step inside.
4. Breathing
Deep breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system: long, deep breaths slow our heart and calm our body, ready for rest.
- 4-2-4 breathing (as advocated by Michael Mosley, RIP):
- Breathe in for a count of four
- Hold your breath for two
- Breathe out for a count of four
- Repeat.
- Cyclic breathing:
- Breathe in through your nose, half way
- Hold
- Now breathe in all the way
- Hold
- Now let it all out through your mouth
- Repeat.
5. Listen to Your Body’s Needs
There is a great and gentle power in listening in to the signals our body is sending us. I have found that ‘pushing through’ when fatigued or in discomfort only makes my insomnia worse.
Here are some questions we can be attentive to:
- Am I adequately hydrated? Did I drink enough today? It is best to avoid drinking large amounts right before bed – but being attentive to our hydration through the day can help prevent this catching up with us at night.
- Am I overfull, or am I hungry? Just as it is best to avoid going to bed with a tummy full of heavy food, it is best to avoid going to bed hungry. If you struggle to keep track of your hunger, a maintaining a meals routine can help you to avoid going to bed hungry, or eating too much too close to bedtime.
- Am I comfortable? Adjust room temperature, bedding and lighting to suit your comfort. It can be helpful to pay attention to every sense: what would help your sleeping space to look, feel, smell most calming? Are you comfortable in the clothes you wear to bed? If you experience pain, have you done what is needed to manage that pain through the night?
- Did my body get the movement it needed today? If you are working from home, spend a lot of time in the car or have a busy sedentary job it may be hard to get the movement your body needs to be able to relax in the evening.
- Did I get some sunshine today? Research shows that getting out into the sunshine, especially within 30-60 minutes of waking, can balance our circadian rhythm and improve sleep quality and duration.
I am aware that these questions can be hard to answer for some of us, especially if we’ve become disconnected from our body and its needs. Let these questions act as gentle prompts. If an answer doesn’t come easily, that’s okay: you can move to the next question.
6. Be Mindful of What You Eat and Drink Before Bedtime
Of course we are all different; but what we consume in the hours leading up to bedtime can play a significant role in how well we sleep.
- It is advisable to avoid caffeine at least six hours before bed – it stays in our systems longer than we might think.
- For those of us who drink alcohol: whilst alcohol might initially make us sleepy, it can disrupt our sleep cycle later in the night. It can also interact unhelpfully with HRT and other medications.
- Eating heavy meals right before bed can also be disruptive; it is better to opt for light snacks if you’re hungry.
Making mindful choices about food and drink in the evening can help us to achieve more consistent, restorative sleep.
7. Understand Your Inner Landscape
I often work with Internal Family Systems (IFS): a therapeutic model that views our mind as composed of multiple parts, each with its own perspectives and feelings (you can read more in my blog post “What is IFS?”). These parts are not just fragments but integral aspects of who we are. By welcoming and engaging with these internal voices, we can foster harmony within ourselves.
Understanding our inner landscape means acknowledging every part of ourself – the parts that hold anxiety, anger and the gnarlier emotions, as well as the gentler ones. Even if they seem at times to be pulling different ways, accepting that each part has a role to play in our emotional wellbeing – and paying attention to each of them – can be hugely helpful in supporting us to achieve a peaceful night’s sleep.
Here are some techniques for helping all our internal voices feel heard and valued:
- Journalling: Write down our thoughts before bed to give each part space to express themself.
- Dialogue: Engage in an internal conversation where we invite all voices to speak and listen to different parts without judgement (see the exercise below).
- Visualisation: Imagine creating a safe space in our mind where all parts can gather and feel secure.
I have had nights when conflicting parts seemed to be waging war in my mind: anxiety clashing with exhaustion clashing with the decree ‘I must get enough hours’ sleep’. Working with IFS, I have begun to lie quietly, noticing and acknowledging each voice, almost like inviting them for tea. If they have something to say to me, I listen. I may make a written note of something to follow up the next day, or take to therapy. This act of gentle recognition helps my system to relax, allowing me to drift into sleep.
Give this exercise a go next time you are trying to get to sleep:
- Do some deep breathing until you feel grounded and curious.
- Once you feel grounded and curious, connect with your internal system and ask “Who’s awake”?
- If you’re able to make contact, ask if there is anything they want to share with you about why they’re awake.
- Once you’ve listened to that part, ask internally whether any other part is awake and wanting to be heard. Listen to them too.
- If you are not able to make contact, that’s okay. Keep doing your breathing and doing your best to stay curious. Try again tomorrow.
This exercise is based on one in Katie LaCelle’s course IFS for Insomnia
Seek Professional Support When Needed
It’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, sleep remains elusive and we need additional support. This may involve doing further research, consulting with a sleep clinic, or visiting the GP. We may also decide to work with a therapist to understand why sleep is hard for us, and to work to resolve the root cause.
By incorporating many of the practices above into my nightly routine, I’ve found myself sleeping better most nights. When I don’t, I generally know why and I offer myself compassion.
I invite you to take a moment tonight to switch things up and try one of these changes… notice how your body responds.
Remember that everyone’s journey towards better sleep is unique, and what works wonders for one person might not work for another. Be patient with yourself as you explore different strategies, and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed.
Sweet dreams!
Resources
- PODCAST: Michael Mosley made a number of podcasts about sleep. Here is his extended programme Just One Long Thing: Sleep Special – with Prof Russell Foster
- WEBPAGE: Michael Mosley on Sleep Hygiene
- WEBPAGE: NHS ‘Every Mind Matters’: Sleep Problems
- YOGA NIDRA MEDITATION: Sleep Well with Total Yoga Nidra
- COURSE: Katie LaCelle runs a course: IFS for Insomnia
- BOOK: Breath: Improve your health and wellbeing by discovering the lost art of breathing by James Nestor
If sleep difficulties are part of a wider pattern of overwhelm or nervous system activation, you can read more about how I work with Internal Family Systems.
If you’re curious and wondering how I could support you, please get in touch to ask for a free introductory call.
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